I Want to See Jesus

You hear people state that they're a born-again Christian. Well, let me tell you, I'm a born-again-born-again-born-again-born-again Christian. So many times I've comitted my life to the Lord, but once again, somehow...I'm back at square one. Am I a procrastenator? YES. I am I control freak? GUILTY. Am I a nervous wreak? Well, depending on your definition of a "nervous wreak", quite possibly. And, am I lost? YES! But I am not giving up! I will overcome my "issues", I will overcome my fear. I will overcome my control issues, I will overcome my pain. Why? I want to see Jesus.

I don't know where I first heard that phrase. I believe it was in a song at church. But I never quite saw the complexity, the beauty, the power of that phrase. I thought it was saying, "I want to go to heaven". Maybe that's what the writers meant, but it's not what I mean. Sure, I want to go to heaven! But I want to...
find the peace
find the joy
find the hope
find the life
that the Bible teaches of.
I want to overcome the obsticals, the fear, the pain. I want all that. Yes, it sounds selfish, but it's the only way I can express it. I mean, maybe if I searched the Hebrew meaning of some words, and came up with some, what do you call them? Umm...those things that represent a paralell to make things make sense, (See how eloquent I am?) than maybe I could express it.

But what it all comes down to is I want Jesus. I need Jesus. Messiah, Alpha-Omega, Saviour, Prince of Peace, Great Shepard, Great I am.... What it comes down to is that... I need you, Lord...I need you, and I want to find you...and I will seek you, for you are seeking me. You died for me, and I want to live for you. So, Lord, please, hear my prayer, and open the eyes of my heart...I want to see You, I want to see You...



Side note- As I finished typing that, a song just came on the television...and as I'm sitting her, crying out to the Lord, I hear just what I needed...I can't quote it verbatumn, but what it came down to is, "Cry out to the Lord, and He will hear you". "The Lord works in mysterious ways"??? I think not =)